Bunnie Xo says her second round of in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments have brought some of the most debilitating side effects yet.

She admits that she’s thought about reconsidering this path to parenthood.

• Jelly Roll and Bunnie have been open about their hope to have a baby together.
• Bunnie has said she’s previously experienced ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages.
• She has also been diagnosed endometriosis and PCOS. Due to those complications, and because she is 45, they are pursuing IVF and surrogacy.
• Though she’s kept many of the details private, Bunnie speaks up about this journey as a way to bring awareness to those struggling with infertility.

She also spoke openly about the tough mental and physical symptoms she faced during her first round of IVF. But in a new installment of her Dumb Blonde podcast, Bunnie says that this go-around is more painful than ever.

“I’m in medical menopause and it’s f–king hellacious,” she says in one clip from the podcast. “It has been the worst thing I’ve ever been through in my life.”

She describes symptoms like nausea, cold sweats, blood sugar crashes and pain, explaining that her estrogen levels have plummeted due to a new protocol for this round of IVF.

This treatment plan includes taking Lupron, a drug that Bunnie has encountered, though not taken personally, before. When her father Bill was battling cancer, he took Lupron, and Bunnie’s newest comments make it seem like he also struggled with the medicine.

Read More: Bunnie Xo’s Dad Dies

“I saw how my dad felt on Lupron, and now that I have actually gone through it, I feel so bad that I was not more understanding with my dad,” she admits. “I have almost gone to the hospital probably 10 times in the past 48 hours.”

According to the Cleveland Clinic, Lupron is a synthetic hormone that is delivered in the form of an injection. It treats symptoms of prostate cancer and other hormone-based conditions, and can be used as part of IVF treatments.

Bunnie says she recently finished her course of the drug, and she won’t ever take it again — even if that means giving up on IVF.

“At this point, I don’t f–king care. Let’s just call it what it is and figure out another game plan,” she comments, adding she felt like she was “rotting from the inside out.”

In fact, her side effects are so severe that she thinks she may have to cancel her next egg retrieval cycle.

“Which is fine. I’m completely fine with that. Let’s start over. Let’s redo it,” she goes on to say.

But she also points out that the tough physical symptoms are having an equally debilitating effect on her mental health.

“I know this is gonna sound terrible, but I feel like I’m wasting my life. I feel like I’m watching my life fly by while I’m stuck at home having to do these f–king cycles, and it’s beyond frustrating,” she admits. “But I guess, you know, it’s the sacrifice you have to make if you really wanna have a baby.”

She goes on to say that she’s “thankful” to be able to try for a baby in this way, even though she knows that there might come a time when the side effects make it impossible to continue pursuing IVF.

“I was praying today in the shower and I was just bawling my eyes out and praying, ‘Thank you Lord. I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe having a baby isn’t in our cards. I don’t know,'” she recounts.

“I’m not a b–ch and I’m not a quitter, so we’ll figure out what the next steps are after this week.”