Everyone is looking for that last minute gift that could make you look like a hero this holiday season. The problem is, guys can be hard to shop for.

There is no jewelry counter, no high-end fashion line that makes every guy happy.

It’s a hard task to find the right gift for the right dude — but this isn’t a list of the “must have” items for men. This is a list of all the things that should thrown off the list right away.

5 Things Men Absolutely Don’t Want as Christmas Gifts This Year

No one wears ties anymore. In fact, a study in 2023 showed that only 3 percent of people wear business professional to the office at all these days.

And even if you say “but my husband/dad/uncle is part of that 3 percent,” guess what? They can buy their own ties. Why waste your money on something that they may not like, especially if the only person who will see it is Linda in accounting?

Look, we all like to laugh, and you may have found the greatest, most hilarious shirt of all time. But the thing is, chances are, the man in your life isn’t going to want to wear this hilarious shirt around. I myself have a “Party Naked” shirt that I find hilarious and appropriate for all occasions.

My wife — and the school board official that stopped me at my daughter’s choir concert recently — informed me, however, that it’s not as funny as I thought and should not be worn in public. Save the special fella in your life the hassle of being tsk-tsk’d by school officials and skip the novelty shirt.

Another thing that was a must-have item under the tree in 1991? A coffee mug. Now personally, I am not a coffee drinker, but I am married to one. And let me tell you, she is absurdly particular about which coffee mugs she likes. The handle has to be the right size, the mug itself must be big enough to hold a full cup, yet small enough to fit under the spout of her latest and greatest coffee-making espresso-whatever-the-heck-it’s-called-eyato.

Also, coffee drinkers already have 251 coffee mugs, the last thing they need is another one!

This seems wrong. After all, every man should have a set of tools. But you see, men are particular about their tools. Have you ever tried handing a Milwaukee man a DeWalt drill? You would be better off punching that man in the face.

Now, granted, many fellas don’t have an overall allegiance to a specific brand, and that’s okay, too. But here is the thing about getting a tool for Christmas: You can’t play with it until something breaks. That’s not fun. And even when something breaks, cool, you get to use your tool, but it’s still work. This is the holidays, give the boys a break.

I love to golf. I really do. But I hate it when I get golf stuff. I already have the golf stuff I want, and so does that golfer in your life. Yes, he has the newest balls that add 30 yards to his drive. Yes, he has the special pitching wedge that stops you from blasting it 30 yards over the green. Golfers are like drug addicts — they can get their own stuff and they already know where to go. You giving them stuff just gives them something that they need to get rid of at the range. 

Now, is this list perfect? No — and you may actually know the diamond in the rough who would love to put on his golf tie over his novelty shirt while sipping coffee from his new mug as he waits for a baseboard to come loose. But I think if you avoid these five pitfalls of guy holiday shopping, you will be a hero on Christmas morning.